Monkey on my back

Monkey on my back


























Have just had a wonderful few days with my son and friends.  They all departed today.  So I am on day 2 of no Lexapro and am feeling a bit anxious but excited.  The staff at Costa Rica Yoga Retreat arranged for me to have an ekg and stress test in San Jose.  The Dr and staff could not have been nicer and the facility was really great.  The hospital restaurant even has waiters to serve you.

The stress test was ok, but my BP jumped up to 190/90 during the treadmill time.  She said it is probably a complication of the meds but was a bit scary has I had a hard time catching my breath.  The conversation I had with the Dr. about Lexapro and the ibogain treatment was informative and quite interesting.  They could not believe I was on Lexapro and for so long.  She told me Iboaine is very good and the Dr. overseeing my treatment is excellent.  She also said she thought they had just legalized ibogain in Canada, although not likely to happen in the states.  The pharmaceutical companies cannot profit off it.

I had an opportunity to visit with 2 pharmacist from the US, and they were telling me how they are not able to offer consults unless the clients asked for it (at CVS).  He said when he first got out of school he was spending time consulting with clients and actually got called in for spending too much time with the customers.  I imagine yet another good reason to use a small pharmacy.  He said to me, do not be to hard on yourself as you get off the meds as it is not your fault. 

NOT YOUR FAULT!  What a great thing to hear.

It is so easy to beat yourself up, to feel frustrated and embarrassed by the side effects and withdrawals. I am ready to let get this monkey off my back and reclaim my life, restore my mind and heal my body.

 I am once again overly tired and easily overwhelmed.  I am staying at a little boutique hotel for a night or two in the rainforest.  I think this will be a good place to just be.  I must say I walked in with high expectations, which as a traveler I try not to do, and was a bit disappointed in this site, but they gave me two free nights to do a sight inspection with the hopes I will bring a group here, so I really cannot complain.  But I do not think I will be back. 

The rainforest is damp, and very green and full of beautiful plants and unusual animals.  I will spend this time with me, detoxing and preparing for the iboga treatment in a few days.   I must again say that the staff  at the costa rica yoga spa have been amazing and continue to surprise me with their supportive attitude and availability to my emotional needs.  It is so nice to be taken seriously and treated with such compassion and understanding.  The many times I have tried to get off of Lexapro in the past, I always felt so alone, frustrated with myself, not knowing what was going on, or what to expect next.  This time is different and the many people that have come into my path on this journey are a God send.  I am grateful beyond words!

I came to Costa Rica and stayed with friends from back home and they have introduced me to a lovely group of people that have my back.  So for my family and friends back home, do not worry.  I am in good hands and am not alone.  The people of Costa Rica are wonderful and this may very well turn out to be my favorite place to be.

So here is to the next period of withdrawals, hopefully the last.  



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