Hanging on!

Hanging on!

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Last night the rain fell, it was very peaceful for someone in a state of disEase.   I had a lovely dinner followed by a relaxing massage.  I am beginning to feel sensations throughout my body that I have missed.  Not sexual in nature, more energetic and this is encouraging.  My head is beginning to hurt and the low back and joint pain is increasing.  I think I need to return to the condo where there are people.  This location is so remote, and although I need my me time, I also need the comfort of knowing there are people I know around me in case I need anything.

I can’t get into the safe, which is frustrating me, and I struggled to put on my necklace this morning and my patience with myself was on edge.  I am feeling the withdrawals, realizing I may have once again gone off to fast, but I am on a bit of a time crunch.  In order to begin the treatment I have to be off for 5 days, and I am ready to begin soon.  So I may have to suffer a bit the next few days.

I am still surprised by how much sleep my body is asking for.  I am able to honor it, but ready for my energy to return.  I have tried to read but am finding my attention span is little and my mind, it is not really wandering, just not really present enough to concentrate. 

I am passing the time with 2048, which is good brain food.  The vertigo is getting worse but the brain zaps have been minimal.  This is day 3, and if I remember correctly it is day 5 and 6 that are the most intense in the evening with the trembling and pain.  It seems such a waste to be in this beautiful country and housebound, yet I knew that was the plan once everyone left.  Will be more reason for me to come back, to offer gratitude to this beautiful place and enjoy her abundance when I am fully present.

My son and I went zip lining the other day and it was so magical soaring over the rainforest canopy.  I felt like I was flying.  I share the photos as I reminder that I am hanging in there.  If you are sharing this journey you hang in there too.  We are not alone, and there is a wonderful network of support, sometimes we have to go searching for it in unlikely places, but I believe as more people become aware of not only the struggles with the medication but also that there is help out there.  There is another option beyond what the medical treatment in the states has to offer us

We must remember that health care in US centers around the almighty dollar, not around wellness. 

We are the only country that advertising RX drugs to consumers, and the amount of money spend on advertising RX is huge.  The pharmacist here in Costa Rica actually is your prescriber of medication.  You walk in and have a consultation with the pharmacist, this makes so much sense to me.  They also have socialized medicine here in Costa Rica, which means less unnecessary test and procedures and a huge emphasis on wellness.

Seems like they have it right.

So here is to the next phase of this journey, to my body reacting with unpleasant symptoms as the toxins leave and I try to heal.  The worse it is the more determined I am that I am on the right track.  Embracing these uncomfortable sensations and physical discomforts as a reminder of the poison I have been feeding my body for 16 years.  I am not enjoying the process, but know that this storm will pass and the sun will shine brightly at the end.

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