Do I dream in color?
Watching the fog roll thru the valley it temporarily created a soft haze that just as quickly moved on to reveal once again the beauty of the forest. It looked like a ghost gliding by, a rather large ghost. The sounds of the forrest played like a symphony with howler monkeys, roosters, birds and the soft rustle of leaves. White birds created a strong contrast to the rich green foliage. What a way to start my morning. I start my iboga treatment today with a micro dose to help ward off the chaos in my body caused from withdrawing off of lexapro. Soon my mental and physical fog will pass through as well and my true colors will be revealed. Gratitude anticipation and peace.
Peace of mind, peace of spirit, and peace of body.
The Day after a micro does session, all I can say is WOW. He spread the dose through out the morning at first having no effect. The idea was to help me with the withdrawals and detox my body. It was suggested I drink only one cup of coffee which I sadly did and drink plenty of smoothies and coconut water. Remember, I am doing this in a very controlled facility being monitored and watched, this is a powerful plant with many healing properties.
Every hour Darrin would come in to check on me and give me another micro does. At first I remember feeling light yet really grounded, which was nice. Then the colors began, like different color silk was being placed before my eyes. He said good, go and enjoy the colors.
I had a fear come up, and that was what if I am feeling the same when I go home, that is still to be determined but I can say, although not feeling great right now, I have a new peace about me.
I found I was really enjoying time with me, observing the inner workings of mind and just being still, no computer, phone of books. Just me. I did have to run and get a note pad as some of the inner dialogue was just to good not to forget. I was not sure how clear they would be the next day, but here are some.
Memories are like hallucinations, we all see things differently.
Misperception is perception
We teach people how to treat us thru our actions and reactions.
There was a lot that came up for me around taking responsibility for everyones feeling around me, I think I have new clarity in understanding what this means. Huge step forward.
To act or to react, you determine the course, constantly not just momentarily, but in every moment. I sound like I have been ready The New Earth, lol. Actually I was living The New Earth and wonder if he wrote that book after having a drug induced awakening.
The colors were so vibrant and I was questioning do I dream in color? Surely if I did I would remember, but I could not. The colors and images were fantastic and reminded me of certain artist styles, I can’t imagine painting in this state, but perhaps from memory. I began to dream in 3D, beautiful vibrant plants, flowers, trees. I also remember there were occasions when I was dialoguing with myself that my accent would change. Spanish, Australia and Spanish again. I felt moments of pure joy, peace and compassion.
There was a spinning going on, that reminded me of a movie reel, and every now and again it would slow down and an image was revealed, usually of a friend or family member from my childhood. The images were perfect. My daddy was the first to come to me. I wanted him to stay longer but he went. There were people popping up that I had not thought about in years. If I tried to direct the memories, the plant would lead me else where, so I just sat back and let it take me where I needed to go.
This went on for several hours, then it started to fade, slowly I was only seeing colors again and then I saw lights around outlining everything following the movement like a lazer show. The more I came to the more aware I became of the buildup in my stomach.
The purge, dear goodness me. All the toxins had worked toward my gut and my body was ready and willing to purge. I felt like I was in a fight for my life and that I would win. Prior to the initial purge, the clouds opened up and the rains fell. It all was so symbolic for me and as physically hard as it was, I know it promised a new beginning.
This morning we arose at 4 and went to see the turtles coming to shore to lay their eggs. Magical. I was not feeling great but this was an opportunity I just could not pass up. The turtles filled the beaches by the hundreds, possibly the thousands, it was quite a sight to see. We arrived before the sun rose and stayed for a good while waiting for the sun to come out.
The irony of the hard work these creatures put into creating a new life did not go by me. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. These big beautiful sea creatures swim across the pacific to land on this spot and then climb thru the sand and people and other turtles to find the perfect spot, sadly at times destroying another turtles recent lay. There was one I watched diligently dig her hole after the long journey. She would on occasion just stop with a great big sigh, and pause before continuing. Then it was time to lay the eggs, and poor thing, she had no eggs! She realized this finally and left her hole uncovered, her hard work for nothing and headed back to the sea to do it all again.
Today is a day of recovery from yesterday and to prepare for the Iboga flood tomorrow. I am a not excited about it after getting a taste for it yesterday, but I want for myself to experience the full glory of this plant.
And I did realize later that no, I do not dream in color.